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The New Me Challenge "What is your biggest athletic accomplishment?" I blinked twice as I gazed in confusion down the long conference table at the obviously ripped black fellow from the fitness center. Athletic accomplishment? Was he serious? These days, successfully bringing the groceries in from the car might be considered an athletic achievement. I swear the five steps up from the landing grow 100-fold when I'm carrying bags of grub. "When I was young," I say slowly, stalling for time to come up with a good answer, "I was in Scouts for, like, 18 years, both as a member and a leader. We camped, hiked, played games, cross-country skied..." Aha! There we go. "In fact, I used to do a yearly charity cross-country skiing marathon. The last year I did it, I did the long track and it was great. I haven't done anything like that since." I neglected to mention I came in second-to-last, although the fact that the reason I came in second-to-last was because I was busy flirting with the girl who came in last would have made a good joke. Eh. Hindsight. All six of them nodded and smiled as I talked, which was what I was hoping for. Even the camera guy seemed to be on my side. Good thing too, because this lot would determine if I won. Last Thursday I got a call saying I was one of the 15 finalists in the New You Challenge, a contest being put on by a local station, the A-Channel. I had entered back at Christmas and forgot all about it. If I won, I would get a $4000 home gym, a one-year membership at a fitness club (including three months of work with a personal trainer), and three months membership with a weight loss center. I would have to go on the A-Channel every two weeks for three months to show off my progress, which for me is not exactly a hardship. Show off my mug on TV? Woo hoo! The entry required a 200-word blurb on 'Why I Should Win' and a picture of me from the knees up. Here's my submission:
I figured they were not just looking for someone who needed to lose weight - throw a donut in this town and you'll get a hundred ravenous homo sapiens lunging for it - but also someone who both would do the program and be extroverted enough to go on TV and blab about it. The letter must have done the trick because they hauled me in. The fifteen of us sat in a tiny coffee area while they conducted interviews with each person individually. I was about halfway down the list, and the hour it took to get to me only made me more and more nervous. I was pacing the floor, sucking Jolly Ranchers and guzzling coffee - both of which surely didn't help my anxiety. Then finally, the interview. Six folks. Two from the A-Channel, two from the fitness club, one from the weight loss center, and one quiet woman who never spoke the whole time I was there, but nodded and smiled every time I looked at her. Not sure she even spoke English. The questions were pretty standard. Can you commit to being on the Big Breakfast (the A-Channel's morning show) every two weeks? Yes. Are you willing to switch to a food plan? Yes. Are you able to work out three times a week? Yes. What was your biggest athletic accomplishment? Um. Another good one: What, in the last week, has most demonstrated to you that you need to make a change in your weight and fitness situation? "Um, everything?" They laughed, and I chuckled along, relieved that the joke went over well. "It is a bit of everything, really. I mean I shoveled the sidewalk the other day. It's what, a five-minute job? And I had to go sit down afterwards and relax. It's crazy!" I mentioned at some point that I worked for the Sporting Goods Company and they asked if the company supported my efforts. "Sure. My whole department knows about this and tried to talk me into wearing a Speedo for my 'Before' shot." More laughter. The guy in the suit wanted to know what color I chose. Someone asked why I kept saying 'we' when I spoke. Like I would say 'we need to change' or 'we want to feel better'. I explained that Lisa would be getting involved alongside me, and that we were getting married next year. That won some points I think. It went on about ten minutes, and then the promotions girl took me next door to take a 'Before' shot. Ugh. I love you guys over at the A-Channel, but next time you want someone to take a picture of a big fat guy in shorts and with his shirt off, get someone meatier to do it, okay? She was a lovely girl, but I'm just a bit embarrassed to get half-naked in front of someone with less than a third of my body mass. Then that was it. On the weekend, I got a call from the lady at the weight loss center, who informed me I was one of two male finalists (they planned on picking one guy only) and she brought Lisa and I in to try to match us to the program. Another two-sided push I figure. On the one hand, she needed to size me up and see if I would make a good spokesperson for her company and actually would do the plan for the duration of the contest, but on the other hand she wanted to give us both the spiel so that if I lose the contest, we would still come back and join them. it went well. Good rapport, some honest candor from Lisa and I both, and we all seemed pleased by the whole thing. She weighed us both, and I discovered my weight has reached the 'Oh good LORD' levels. On the way out, we ran into the other male candidate coming in for his interview. I resisted the urge to 'creatively remove all opposition'. Everyone says I should know this week. I'll let you all know first (well, second or lower actually, but in the top ten!) over at the blog. In Ancient Times...
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