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Rejected Themes
Tuesday, January 13, 2003. Entry #246
Since we announced our engagement, our friend Connie
has been plying Lisa with ideas for wedding themes. Themes a little beyond
'modern' or 'traditional', where costuming, props and set design come
into play a bit more heavily.
As fun as this sounds, we have some Conservative relatives
who might completely fail to get the joke, so a theme wedding is pretty
much out of the question.
Still, contemplating the ideas has been entertaining,
so I thought I'd share some of my musings on the concept with you.
Possible Theme: Ancient Rome
Design Elements: Togas, flowers, harps. Lots of statues and drapery.
Tons of flowers.
Pros: Togas flatter everyone, plus they're amazingly comfortable.
And no need for utensils at the reception!
Cons: Knowing certain of my friends, the whole affair would rapidly
degenerate into the toga party from 'Animal House'.
Status: Rejected
Possible Theme: Lord of the Rings
Design Elements: Lots of earthy tones, crystals, flowing whites,
etc. We could build an arch and make it look like dwarvish handiwork with
runes and stuff.
Pros: We would be dressed in Aragorn and Arwyn's costumes from
the end of the last movie. Lisa would be dazzling in the long whites,
and I'd get to carry a sword.
Cons: While Elven bridesmaids would be cute, the groomsmen would
most likely balk at having hairy Prosthetic feet. Also, Connie
would demand to carry a battleaxe, and that might be a bit off-putting
in the processional.
Status: Rejected
Possible Theme: Gangsters
Design Elements: Music from the Roaring '20s, flapper dresses and
spats.
Pros: The dancing would be amazing, and we could sell 'hootch'
at the bar.
Cons: My hair is far too stubborn to let even Brylcreem hold it
down for long. Plus Connie
would demand a Tommy Gun.
Status: Rejected
Possible Theme: Star Trek
Design Elements: Formal uniforms and pointy ears all around. Lots
of bright colors, futuristic lights, and makeup.
Pros: It's not like most of our friends don't have some relevant
costume in their closets that will require only minor alterations to utilize.
Plus there's a huge selection of related recipes for the banquet.
Cons: It's been DONE. To DEATH.
Status: Rejected
Possible Theme: Star Wars
Design Elements: Fancy space-age gowns and uniforms. Lasers and
lightsabres and robots.
Pros: It's real easy to turn a teddy bear into an Ewok for table
centerpieces. Plus there's a huge selection of potential hairstyles for
the women.
Cons: Highly doubtful Lisa would allow a lightsaber duel at the
reception. Plus our bear-like roommate Joel
would get tired of Wookie jokes.
Status: Rejected
Possible Theme: Wild West
Design Elements: Country music, western styles and lots of horses.
Pros: Lisa loves horses, and two-stepping is a lot of fun.
Cons: Did you know that horses are spooked by wedding dresses?
Something about a huge white flapping thing that completely unnerves them.
Status: Rejected
Possible Theme: Classic Monster Movie
Design Elements: Spooky lights and music. Lots of costumes, fake
blood and neck bolts.
Pros: The invitations would be hilarious and the green monster
makeup would hide any nervous queasiness I might develop. Can you imagine
a Vincent Price impersonator as the minister? Cool!
Cons: Lisa is firmly set against a Bride of Frankenstein hairdo.
Status: Rejected
Possible Theme: Camelot
Design Elements: Period outfits, scrolls, and family crests.
Pros: An enticing array of costumes and adornments is possible.
The reception would have jugglers, bards and fire-eaters entertaining
everyone.
Cons: Full authenticity would require the bride to sneak off with
the best man. Sword fights at the reception would also be inevitable.
Status: Rejected
Possible Theme: Survivor
Design Elements: Sun, sand and surf. And starvation, scurvy and
scabies.
Pros: Besides being able to 'Vote Off' annoying reception guests,
not many.
Cons: Dirty, ripped clothes, having to row five miles over open
water to get to the reception hall, and an Immunity Challenge buffet necessitating
barf buckets at every table.
Status: Oh good lord no.
In Ancient Times...
On Tuesday, January 9, 2001, I crafted timeless text about writing
and not writing.
On Friday, January 11, 2002, I wrote exciting Prose on financial
freedom and the birth of baby guinea pigs.
And on Thursday, January 16, 2003, I penned a perfect passage on getting
a tube stuck down my nose.
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