Survivor: Pirate Crazy
Friday, September 19, 2003. Entry #226

When abandoned on a tropical island, always wear your best.

Survivor: Pearl Islands premiered last night, and we drank in every delicious minute.

I have to say, I laughed more times watching this season's premiere than any before. I also found myself rooting for and empathizing with more of them then ever. I think this will be a good season.

Off they go, expecting to be headed for a photo shoot. But no! They're tossed overboard in their Armani suits and strapless cocktail dresses. They were graciously allowed their tennis shoes, but none of the other clothes and equipment they packed for themselves, including any luxury items.

Hee.

I thought it funny when they were given a bag of loot and sent to wander around this tiny island village to barter for supplies. But when Team Morgan dumped their life raft filled with their good shoes and other trade goods beside Team Drake's raft and left it unattended, and the shaggy giant Rupert took it on himself to 'pillage' their 'loot' and use it to buy goods for his team? Bwahahahahaha! Sure Morgan had enough money for fishing lines and tarp and stuff, but Drake made off with several whole and cooked chickens, tarps, equipment, knives and (best of all) a HARPOON GUN! Team Morgan didn't even buy any water containers.

I tell you, Team Morgan was a continual example of uselessness. Once they got to the island they built their shelter. On the beach (forgetting about how storms tend to wipe everything on beaches away) up against a shale cliff (which dumped rocks on their heads all night), right smack down on the ground (where they met the local population of pinchy hermit crabs and snakes).

Then they spent the afternoon wandering aimlessly looking for water, without noticing that 'Water Well' was clearly marked on the map they had been given.

Sure, they were clever in the immunity challenge, letting Team Drake clear away the rocks and logs that stood in the way of the two teams schlepping a cannon across the island, so they wouldn't be too tired for the long run to the finish line, but the lack of fish, water and sleep did them in, forcing them to go to the Tribal Council.

And, for the first time in Survivor history, the evicted... the buxom, blonde bitchy girl! Who would'a guessed it! Nerd-boy and the Scout Master made it another round! Yay!

Enough. So you at home can make your informed picks, here's my annual Survivor Breakdown!

DRAKE TRIBE
	Burton Roberts, 31-year-old Marketing Executive Decent enough guy for the first bit. Ready to help, energetic, fit. He even went out with the harpoon gun and caught the first fish of the game. Still, he and Shawn formed a cool-guy leadership bond that's already alienating some of the others.
	Christa Hastie, 24-year-old Computer Programmer I tell you, most of the programmers I've worked with aren't this cute. She's perky and helpful, and eagerly sacrificed her light sundress when it became evident it was too fragile to remain her primary piece of clothing. She talks like she has her fingers in her nose though. Not one of the cool kids.
	Jon Dalton, 29-year-old Art Consultant The party guy. Laugh-a-minute. Already beginning to irritate the rest of his group. Reminds Rupert of the troubled kids he counsels at his job. He also looks hauntingly like the Surfer Dude who occupies the desk beside me at work. He's not overly fit, so the crude jokes and dull wit won't keep him around long.
	Michelle Tesauro, 22-year-old Student Didn't see much of her, but she seems fit and smart. What little we heard from her was right on the money. Plus she's cute. She'll do well.
	Rupert Boneham, 39-year-old Troubled Teens Mentor Ah Rupert, you big shaggy ex-hippie you. Already you've won my loyalty with your torn-skirt-wearing, opposite-team-pillaging, fishing-until-you-outdo-Burton-despite-3rd-degree-sunburns ways. If you weren't so flabby and psycho looking (Counsel my kid? No freaking way!), you'd be my pick in the office pool.
	Sandra Diaz-Twine, 29-year-old Office Assistant My early pick from before the show started, and I was very satisfied with the fact that she was the only one able to speak Spanish well enough to properly barter for goods in the village. She managed to talk a woman into trading her everything in this huge public barbecue (chickens, tin foil, condiments, utensils... everything but the big oil drum barbecue itself) for her gold necklace. That linguistic skill won't help too much later though.
	Shawn Cohen, 29-year-old Advertising Sales His bio says everyone calls him "the ultimate salesman". That's enough to get him booted in my book. He cozied up with Burton to the exclusion of everyone else. Also very bad. Plus he's pretty and knows it. Three strikes, me hearty.
	Trish Dunn, 42-year-old Sales Executive Another one we hardly heard or saw, save that bit where she thought the saleswoman was kidding when she offered to trade Trish for two bottles of kerosene and a lantern. Creepy. Still, keeping your head down is good. Seems pretty fit looking for 42 as well.
MORGAN TRIBE
	Andrew Savage, 40-year-old Attorney I cried when he went overboard with his $4000 Armani suit. Only it was more like laughter. A lot more. He managed to connive his way into the leadership role, and then helped guide Nicole to her self-destruction, when it became obvious that allying himself with her would be a bad idea. He's a force to be reckoned with.
	Darrah Johnson, 22-year-old Mortician Okay, points for being a mortician. Also, points for keeping her trap shut unless it was absolutely necessary. Someone's been watching the re-runs. But really, what the hell kind of name is 'Darrah'? Did her Dad have a head cold? "Yeah I wanna dame her afder dat agtress in Buffy. Darrah Bichelle Gellah."
	Lillian "Lill" Morris, 51-year-old Scout Troop Leader I was a Boy Scout for something like 15 years, so I know the horror this woman must have felt to have to wear her uniform for her entire stay on the island. Those damned things itch. Still, she's very cool, and likely knows a couple things about the outdoors. Doesn't explain why she let them build the shelter on the damn beach though. She's a weak link and will be gone soon enough.
	Nicole Delma, 24-year-old Massage Therapist An unlikely first person to be booted. I would've thought the tribe would have kept her curvy, cocktail-dress-wearing bod around long enough to get her naked at least once. Still, she moved right into the bitchy girl niche, and fell hard when Andrew stuck her out to dry. I love mixed metaphors.
	Osten Taylor, 27-year-old Equity Trade Manager Have I mentioned how sexy I think bald black guys are? I mean, if I was gay and all of course. And Osten is totally ripped to boot. Pity he's a bit of a jerk though. He seemed awful anxious to get naked too. I think he'll last.
	Ryan Opray, 31-year-old Electrician Cozied right up to Andrew, and will likely be riding some coattails I think. He's in good shape though, but also seemed too eager to get naked.
	Ryan Shoulders, 23-year-old Produce Clerk Our first token geek. He's over six-feet tall I would guess, thin as a rail, wears glasses and is a communications and computer science major. A real liability challenge-wise, but I have a hidden secret hope (don't tell anyone) that he'll go far. Win it for the rest of us Ryan! Realistically, though, he was almost gone this episode. Take that as you will.
	Tijuana Bradley, 27-year-old Pharmaceutical Sales Osten immediately dubbed her the Nubian Princess, which cost him point in my book. She is pretty, but seems awful vapid, and it seemed she was ready to shift loyalties at the drop of a hat. Hey, that sometimes works on this show.

My pick to win: I'm going to say Sandra. Part of me wants it to be Ryan S. but that's just not going to happen. Rupert is my fav, but my money's on Sandra.

Next week's loser: Given my record, it'll probably be Sandra. But I'm going to predict: If Drake loses immunity Jon is toast. If Morgan loses, Lillian is out of there.

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