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Warning! Coarse Language Ahead
Not a real disease, as far as I know, but what I'm calling the weird sort of vulgar incoherent screaming I've been doing while driving for the last few months. I am not a vulgar person. Generally, a person hearing me curse will look at me in utter shock. "WHAT did you just say?" is the common exclamation. It's not that I don't swear; I just swear so rarely that each vulgar utterance really surprises people. Especially people who are used to me saying things like, 'Great googily moogily!' or 'Monkey butter!' (Yes, I really do say those.) Driving is the exception, and only when I'm alone in the car. When someone is with me, I'm all smiles and cheerfulness. The one time I was mad enough at another driver that I had to do something, I flipped them the bird so quickly and secretly, that Lisa fell into a fit of giggles for about ten minutes. Alone is a different story. I scream at the top of my lungs some days, as the assholes out there cut me off, dodge across lanes, weave drunkenly all over the road... And it's not good swearing. No, it's all half sentences and grunted exclamations, punctuated with the word 'fuck' multiple times in increasing volume. "Oh no you... Hey! Bastard! Get back in your own... Fuck! You stupid... Fuck! You... Oh! Grr! Damn it! Get off the... Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck FUCK!" By this point, they are three lanes over and twelve cars ahead. I've never had one even notice my cursing, probably because I get so riled up that I forget to use the horn. This morning's commute caused a great deal of cursing on my part. Big accident. Multi-car crash, police cars, ambulances, fire trucks, the whole works. It's on Deerfoot Trail, the only real freeway in the city, and the main route for most people (myself included), as alternate routes are scarce. The accident scene was so bad that only a trickle of people were getting through and the traffic on the southbound route was backed up solid for about 15 kilometers (9.32 miles for you American folks). Yeah I know. Compared to the regular rush hour congestion in big cities, this was nothing. Folks in L.A. think nothing of sitting in traffic for three hours. In Calgary, an hour-long wait is virtually unheard of. The northbound side, the side I was on, was also backed up for about five clicks. Not because of an accident. Just because of the STUPID DAMN RUBBERNECKING ASSMUNCHERS! AUGH! Those... damn... Grrr! It's an ACCIDENT! You've SEEN IT BEFORE! ARGH! FUCK FUCK FUCK! Okay. I'm still dwelling a bit. Let's move on.
Paprikash. That reminded me of the museum scene in 'When Harry Met Sally' where Bill Crystal announced that, 'Today, we will speak like dees.' You remember the line. "Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash." I never knew what paprikash was. Now I've had it and know what it was. I feel satisfied.
When I set the VCR to tape while we're out, I have to leave the cable box on on the right channel. The VCR won't tape anything without the box on. If I have the incorrect channel on, I'll end up taping an hour of VIP instead of Joe Millionaire (not tat one is much better than the other). Also, if I want to tape two shows, they better damn well be on the same channel, because the box has no functionality for it to switch to a different channel at a programmed time. What the hell? It's not like it's impossible. The box we used when we were in Medicine Hat had that feature, and it wasn't anywhere near as advanced as this little gizmo. We do have a second VCR, so I've spliced that into the line before the box. The second VCR can tape any channel in the regular signal (which excludes the digitally exclusive channels). So I can set it to tape any time, any channel, but only non-digital channels. I can set our main VCR to tape digital channels, but not two shows on different channels. Plus the second VCR has much worse picture and sound quality. Grumble. Anyone know if you can get a TiVo in Canada?
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I
seem to have developed a case of Driver's Tourette Syndrome.
The
cafeteria at work had Chicken Paprikash today. Never had it before. Yummy.
We
have a digital cable box at home, which gives us great pictures, sound,
and an online programming guide so I don't have to pay the TV Guide folks
any more. However, this box is one of those times where a technical step
forward comes with a big step backwards.