Wednesday, October 23, 2002. Entry #189

There's a big box of candy outside my door.

Just. Outside. My. Door.

If I lean a little to the right, I can see it, sitting there on my old desk. My boss Theresa brought it in yesterday, and for two days now I've heard the rustling sounds of hands dipping into it, the crackling noises of wrappers being opened, the busy little crunching and snacking...

I've been good. Since it appeared, I've held myself back to a tiny box of Smarties and an itsy-bitsy Coffee Crisp. One of the big advantages to my office it seems, is that I'm no longer sitting right beside the goodie shelf. It used to be so easy just lean over and grab a handful of candy/cookies/Tim Bits/chocolate cake. Now I would actually have to get out from behind my desk and walk over there, which sets up a neat dichotomy between sloth and gluttony in my psyche.

But it's still there. Little Aero bars with their tasty little Nothings. Smarties by the rainbow-hued handful. Little cubes of ooey-gooey-enzyme-produced Caramilk goodness (Yes, I do know the Caramilk secret).

They're calling to me.

Lisa's got a new job.

It's not one she's particularly happy with - it's doing 'customer service' with Amalgamated WeOwnEverything Corp., which is basically telemarketing to existing clients.

It's more 'How are you enjoying your Amalgamated services' than 'Hey, let me sell you crap you don't need', but she's still looking for better.

She had two interviews today (one with one of The Sporting Goods Company's retail outlets) and another yesterday, so her options haven't dried up.

Wish her luck.

Speaking of well wishes, thank you to everyone who sent in their condolences on Button's passing away. We're doing fine now, thanks, and appreciate all the love you sent our way. Jersey's made the adjustment to bachelorhood, and is back to running in circles and squeaking for breakfast.

I have my first 'Employee Appraisal' tomorrow afternoon.

To my left is my copy of the 'Career Development Plan' I need to fill out before my session. Like all others of its stripe, it's questions about my strong points, my weak points, where I plan on focusing my energy, and, of course, the ubiquitous 'Where do you want to be in five years' question.

These are so bogus. All I'm going to do (and all anyone every does) is scribble out the nonsense you want them to hear. My strong points are these things that I do everyday, and my weak points are those things that you caught me doing last week so it wouldn't do me any good to lie about them anyway.

Here's the question list and my current answers to each one:

Career Development Plan

1. What do you see as your key skills and strengths (list up to 6)?

I would say my key strengths are accuracy, dependability, creativity and flexibility. My key skills are my advanced level of web development knowledge and my skills as an editor.

I'm also an accomplished Alt-Tabber, and can flip between recaps at Television Without Pity and production spreadsheets faster than you can blink. I also edit copy three times as fast as anyone else in the department, so I can slack for one-third of the editing time and still look like hot shit.

2. From performance feedback and discussions with others, what are your top developmental needs in order to do your current job better?

My key need is to development my organization skills further. My job is all about a myriad of small tasks and procedures. When I get swamped under on a big push day, I still find myself missing small details and short tasks. I've been working on using Outlook and various spreadsheets to minimize these errors, but haven't made as much progress as I would like.

I need to ensure that my back is against the wall when we move the office, so no one can see what is on my screen. I also need to work on my passing the buck skills, so when the Marketing Chippie bounces her errors my way, I can better bounce them over her head to Theresa.

3. What are your development goals/action plans for the upcoming year to improve your performance or increase your knowledge and skills?

In addition to working on my own organizational abilities (as I mentioned above), I plan on streamlining my end of the production cycle, and working with Ben and the others on the production team to make the whole process faster and more efficient.

I just want to be able to go home on time on productions days, and I'd like permission to kick Ben, Volya and the Marketing Chippie in the ass when they're lounging around the candy box instead of getting me my copy and images.

4. What other development options would you like to discuss either to grow within your current role or in another role within the Company?

I would like to be more involved in planning and development, in addition to my existing role in production. I would like to become more knowledgeable in marketing for the web, as well as increase my skills at web site architecture and design. I would also like to spend more time on my graphic design and my team management skills.

Being on the bottom of the totem pole sucks. Plus I think I deserve some kick-ass business cards.

5. At this stage in your career, what are your medium-term (5-years) career/developmental goals?

I would like to move towards managing a development team. If the company still plans on increasing its web presence to include our other banners, I would like to be in charge of some facet of the development and deployment process, with a team of people working under me to complete the task.

Hogwash. I want Mr. Crumb's job for four and a half years, so in five years I can be anywhere BUT sitting in an office.

6. How can your manager/supervisor support you effectively in your development?

I would like to see more opportunities for me to take a leadership role or to accomplish tasks beyond the scope of my job position. I would also be interested in information on company-sponsored training in advanced web design, graphic arts, web marketing and team management and active encouragement from management to take advantage of those training opportunities.

While you're at it, I'd like a little more credit for being right. When I correct a nasty subject/verb disagreement in a headline, I don't want to have to fight about it with the Marketing Chippie. I also don't want to have to go over it again with Theresa when the Chippie takes the matter up the chain. While we're at it, I'd like everyone to remember that I've been doing web development pretty much exclusively for the last seven years and I do actually know what the fuck I'm talking about. Not always, but most of the time. While we're at it, I want IT to stop double-thinking my requests and assuming I have the technical knowledge of a fruit fly. And for the Marketing Chippie to stop coming to me at 4:48 on production days demanding a three-hour change to our latest Spam layout that can actually wait until tomorrow.

Okay. I'm all better now.

On Survivor: I was right two weeks ago about Ghandia going bye-bye. Yay for me! Although I never said, my picks for last week were Robb and Jan.

Steph getting turfed meant that I LOST our office pool! How humiliating! I'm the Survivor Guy! I bought back into the pool, but the only folks left to choose from were Robb, Clay and Jan, so if Clay doesn't go all the way, I'm out four bucks.

This week: Robb or Jan again. They've both lost their allies and are vulnerable. Oh, I hope it's Robb.

One Year Ago Today: Dangerous Mind, where I feel horribly bad about forgetting my parent's anniversary.

Two Years Plus A Day Ago Today: Halloween's coming, where I talk about Halloweens past.

Aaaand in 1915: The first national horseshoe throwing championship was held in Kellerton, Iowa.

Mom Rating: 4 out of 5. No deaths, a new job, and sarcasm! Mom is satisfied.

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Take me home, big fella