Just a little rant now.

My good friend Akiko forwarded me a virus warning today. A HOAX virus warning at that.

And, of course, I'm fuming.

Those who know me know that one of my biggest pet peeves is crank emails. I'm talking virus hoaxes, online petitions, warning stories, et cetera.

(Akiko, this is not meant as a personal attack on you. You are a sweetie and a dear friend, and this is just me letting off steam.)

Don't get me wrong, I love getting stuff forwarded to me. Cool and cute pictures, inspirational stories, Darwin award nominees, whatever. What I hate is anything that's a 'Ohmigawd this is horrible/true! Sign this/Delete that email/Watch your kidneys!' kind of thing.

Folks. You all are intelligent people. If you weren't, I wouldn't talk to you. So please, take a second and look at the email you are about to forward to your entire address book and give it a second thought.

In detail:

Virus Hoaxes. Young kids without the programming ability to create their own viruses go for the next best option: Write some sort of frightening bogus warning email and fire it off to a passel of people. Someone will send it onwards for you, and everyone will panic. Odds are good the media will fall for it too.

What do you do when you get a virus warning:

1. Check the signature. Legitimate sources will add a PGP signature to their messages. If it doesn't have a correct signature, it's probably a fake.
2. Check it out. Go to Symantec or McAfee's virus information sections and look it up. If you don't trust corporate anti-virus places, there are tons of others, like Hoaxbusters or Vmyths.com. DO NOT trust popular media for accuracy on viruses. The average reporter is woefully ignorant about computer viruses and is as easily fooled as anyone. Trust me. I worked for a newspaper.
3. If there is any doubt, don't send it out!

Besides increasing computer fear and paranoia, these hoaxes also clog already taxed email servers. Sometimes they list some real person's name or email address, and that person is then bombarded by thousands and millions of emails as a result.

Email petitions. My big gripe with these is that it lets people off easy.

Usually these petitions are protesting against/in support of something important and real. The issue is usually valid and something really should be done.

Problem is:

1. No one will ever read the petition. Most versions of this crap have no real way to collect the signatures.
2. No one will care. It is far too easy to fake an electronic petition. Hell, real petitions get short attention. What makes you think an electronic one will be any better?

In a few memorable instances, people have started a petition, and attached their own email address to collect them. They say something like, 'When the list gets 50 signatures, forward it to me, wipe the list, and send it out again'. What happens then is that these poor, well-meaning people get their email boxes effectively 'bombed' by responses. So much response pours in that the mail servers collapse, and continue to get hit hard by mass emailings for years afterwards. Some institutions have had to divert resources and personnel into whole departments devoted to dealing with the phone calls from concerned people.

Finally, my biggest peeve. Email petitions are an easy out. You read something sad, you sign the email, you forward it off, you feel all better about it. A two-second cure for the ills of the world and a salve for your conscience.

No way. If you care enough about an issue, as we all should care about the atrocities going on around us, then actually devote your time and money into something that makes a difference. Support a charity, through volunteering or financial support. Educate yourselves and what can be done at home. Write letters to those who can make the big changes. Get involved.

Sure it's more work, but if you really are concerned, then do something about it.

Other hoaxes and email crap. Poor sick Jessica Mydek. World maps that don't include Israel. A post office implanted surcharge on email messages. It's all incendiary, frightening and rarely true.

These have the same effects as the above (filling email boxes, unfairly targeting innocent people and companies, etc.) and the same cures.

Check them out. Snopes.com is my favorite but there are tons of urban legend sites devoted to debunking nonsense. If you have the time to forward an email to a hundred people, you have the time to check it out first.

And you know what? For nearly every hoax email you forward on, there is a 12-year-old kid laughing his ass off at you. Don't give him the satisfaction.

Although I did sleep through the night last night, I kept having stupid-ass dreams, so I don't feel all that rested. Maybe that's why I'm so irritable.

Around three o'clock I woke up, convinced I had heard the alarm go off. The alarm clock is on Lisa's side of the bed, so she's the one who turns it on or off. Also, the face of the clock is an LCD screen, which I cannot read when my contacts are out. So without actually getting out of bed, I can't tell what time it is.

I think my confused rustling around woke Lisa, so I was able to ask her what time it was, and then go back to sleep. But it happened again. And again. I would half wake up, thinking I heard the radio, then tell myself A) If the alarm had gone off, I would know it for certain, and B) Even f I did sleep through it, Lisa would nudge me until I got up. And then I'd go back to sleep. On and on and on until the alarm went off for real.

Sheesh.

On TV: Survivor starts tomorrow! Can't wait! Can't wait!

Mom Rating: 4 out of 5. Mom's fallen for the odd email hoax in her time. But she's wised up. Right mom?

Previous: Continuing Blather

Next: It begins... again

Take me home, big fella