What a stupid goddamn month.

What else can be said? There has been far too much grief and fear this month for all of us.

I'm not going to say much about the tragedy in New York - what could I say that has not already been said by much better pundits than I? - save that I feel lucky that no one I loved was there when it happened. My American friends and readers all know that my heart goes out to them.

I do wonder what weird vibe made me dream about a building disaster in New York last month. It's not a true prophesy by any means - at least I sure hope not - but it did give me a couple days of the creeps.

I'm catching a plane out to Vancouver tonight.

My grandpa had a bad stroke over a week ago. His recovery since has been really slow. Yesterday, my Dad got a phone call saying that if he wants to see his father... I think you know how the rest of that line goes.

My folks drove out yesterday and are catching a ferry to the island this morning - my grandparents live south of Nanaimo on Vancouver Island. My grandfather is in the hospital in Nanaimo.

They called around noon yesterday to say they were going. In my shock and surprise I forgot to even ask if I could go with them. It's not like I have any pressing commitments at the moment.

I've hardly seen my Grandpa in the last couple years. They were out for Tricia's wedding, but that was about it. We used to go out there a couple times a year when I was a kid, but since I moved out, I haven't had the money to make the trip.

I want to see my Grandpa.

When we were kids visiting out there, every morning we'd get up and run down the hall into my grandparents' room and jump into bed with them. We'd read the funnies, chat with them, stuff like that, for an hour before we all got up for breakfast. As we got older, and started to sleep in more, my grandparents would putter around until they heard us getting up, and then they would get back in bed so we could come 'wake them up'.

My trips to the Island were the best vacations of my childhood. My grandparents have never disapproved of me, looked down on me, anything like that. They've always been full of love and life and joy. I love them both so very much.

Tricia bought me a ticket to Vancouver, and if I catch the right transit connections, I can make it to the last ferry of the day. I'll get into Nanaimo around one o'clock in the morning.

I hope it's not too late.

I don't think I can handle this any more. I can't bear to lose another person I love.

When I was a kid, it was like there was this protective shell over my family and me. Other people lost people. Other people's family's broke up or had accidents or whatever. My family was fine.

Then the shell broke. First, my grandmother four years ago. Then my aunt last summer. My Grandpa may not last much longer. Then you add into the mix my other grandfather's back surgery, my sister's upcoming gall bladder operation, my dad's recent trip to the hospital over kidney stones...

It's like the fabric of my family is unraveling, and I'm beginning to lose them all. Oh God, I don't want to lose anyone else.

Everyone in the world dies before their time.

A Year and one day ago: Dumb, dumb, dumb

Mom Rating: 0 out of 5.

Various Nightmares

Never forget

Take me home, big fella