Denial

That's where I was three days ago. Sat in my car for a while in shock. Can you believe a part of me was waiting for my boss to come out to my car, rap on the window and say 'April Fools'? Never mind that such an elaborate and nasty practical joke wouldn't have made me quit anyway.

Got home wanting to go out and spend money like it was going out of style. Glad I nipped that one in the bud...

Depression and Isolation

Later Tuesday. Dropped off my email games (after a quick note so they wouldn't keep waiting for my post). Couldn't bear to post an entry here. Didn't hang around the boards. Came home and moped.

Went out to see 'Heartbreakers'. What a disappointment. I chuckled twice.

Anxiety

Tuesday night. What was I going to do? I hade made this niche myself and had molded myself to fit it. Now the job was gone and there may not be another of the same mold for a long time.

Where was the money going to come from? When I worked for the Portal Site, there were several months I had no idea where the rent money was coming from, especially in the last month before we all got laid off. Am I going to have to go through this again?

That was a long night.

Anger

That was Wednesday. Pissed off that they let ME go, as I was the only one who wanted to be there at all. Angry at myself for not taking the rumours seriously enough to have another job lined up. Angry that I had let certain skills fall away like what little I had learned of ASP and Cold Fusion.

Angry that I hadn't worked harder. That if maybe I had done more, they would have kept me around.

Acceptance

I think I'm almost there. I met with the career counselor yesterday and had a good long talk with her. I have a definite plan of attack, and a bunch of stuff to help me with my job search.

I have started a list on contacts, people who may lead me in the right direction. I have a beginning list of places I want to target, starting with media companies, and then moving on design houses and big firms. I've contacted the headhunter firm that was so eager to see me last year.

I have a glowing reference letter from my former boss, saying, "Phil was a bright light in all areas he touched. He is a dedicated, loyal employee that only wants the best for the company he works for and for his fellow colleagues. Phil easily adapted to any challenge I presented to him, and I would not hesitate to recommend bringing him on as an employee in any capacity." Nice, huh?

I have several people willing to act as phone references reiterating the above. One former manager tells people that I am the top web guy in the city. A bit of hyperbole, but not an unwelcome one at this point.

There are still moments where I want to lie on the couch and nap or eat pizza. It's hard to get my ass out of bed in the morning, and not to sit at the computer and play TriPeaks or SimCity or something like that.

The only one I can rely upon to get me out of this mess is myself. Lisa can lend her shoulder, my friends can track down leads, the consultant can train me to market myself properly and the headhunter can point me in the right direction.

But it's not going to happen without my direction. I've got to take the reins here.

Me.

Over in the forum:

Asking for it
Superjail

How'd all this start?

What happened next?

Take me home, big fella