Halloween was always my second favorite holiday. I loved putting on a costume and going from house-to-house for free goodies. I love the spooky stories, the decorations, the dumb games and traditions.

Bet you are looking for some kind of punchline here, right? 'But I really hate...'

No punchline. I think Halloween is a lot of fun. Nothing has dimmed my enthusiasm for this semi-Pagan ritual, even when some bad kids stole my bag of candy the last year I went out.

Okay, that was a pretty traumatic experience. That pillowcase was FULL damn it! We were just heading back to the house after a long and profitable hike around the neighborhood when these big kids came running up, grabbed my bag and ran off down the street.

I went bawling into my house, and Dad took us driving around the neighborhood in a futile event to find the nasty candy thieves. It wasn't a total loss -- the kids I was with did share out some of their loot -- but boy did it suck.

In junior high school, my buddy Jason was the king of Halloween. He would spend months putting together the decorations for his house. Rickety fences, bubbling cauldrons, bodies in coffins and hung in trees, ghosts, scary music... It was excellent. I got to play the part of the ax murderer who chases the kids away after they get their loot. Chased this one fat kid for two blocks. Ah, the memories.

In terms of costumes, I've gone from elaborate and back a few times. Here's what I can remember from the last few years.

• A couple years back, I think it was, I used spirit gum and liquid latex to cover my face with the tail ends of all the cereal boxes in our apartment. I took along a rubber machete and told people I was a 'Cereal Killer'. Get it? Pretty funny, hey?
• Last year, I went as a crossword puzzle. I cut up a bunch of pieces of paper, numbered them and attached them to a black T-shirt with fabric glue. I made a giant pencil out of one of those long, Styrofoam pool toys and some yellow cardboard. In hindsight I should've made up a list of clues and had people fill the answers in. It also didn't stand up too well to 'Bobbing for Apples'.
• I did the invisible man once. A roll of gauze for the head, plus a purple turtleneck and black gloves, vest, pants, shoes, and fedora. Add a pair of cheap black sunglasses and you've Claude Rains.
• I went nuts one year and made a huge dice costume. A big cardboard cube painted white, with holes cut for the spots and was over on the inside with black felt (so you couldn't see inside the cube). A hole for my head, and one for my legs and torso. Some of the felt spots were slut, so I could poke my hands out and get drinks and stuff. The fun part was that there was a ledge around the inside at the bottom, which I used to hide drinks and sandwiches and stuff. That costume was really cool. I think it became a cat toy after Halloween was over...

Lisa had really been looking forward to it, so after she got off work Sunday we went to see Bedazzled.

Well, it just ain't as good as we had hoped. Sigh. It was funny. Never bust-a-gut funny, but there was definitely some smirk action going on. Ms. Hurley got shown off in a variety of tiny, tiny outfits, and Brendan Fraser is good in everything.

Of course, they just had to throw in a contrived morality segment, with the requisite sappy background music, and ending was a big fizzle.

I am kind of curious to rent the original 1967 version now, with Dudley Moore, Peter Cook, and Raquel Welch as Lust.

Share your happy memories

Talk about sex some more.

Talk about time wasting.

Take me home, big fella