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I'm a book martyr.
About once a year, I haul out the books that piss me off and read them through. No, really, I do this. My friends all look at me strangely when I tell them this, but it's the simple truth.
There are books out there that disappoint me so badly, I have to read them again, just in the hopes that I missed something the last time around.
These books are not necessarily bad as such, just disappointing on a monumental scale. They are usually books that are parts of a series that completely fail to live up to the others in the series, or serve to render meaningless everything that has gone before. Sometimes they are individual books where the author had a great concept but failed miserably in the execution.
Cases in point:
The Race For God - by Brian Herbert
I picked this book up because Brian is Frank Herbert's son, and the back jacket read well:
Who Needs Heaven?
God, it turns out, lives on the planet Tananius-Ofo in the distant galaxy 722C12009. And now, after countless millennia, He's invited us to come visit Him.
Not everybody, mind you. Just an odd assortment of heathens, heretics, pantheists, perverts and true believers of every sect and creed -- all crammed into a single white spaceship piloted by a slightly crazed biocomputer. Each pilgrim is determined to be the first to reach God and learn His secrets…
If they don't all kill each other on the way there.
Not too bad, I thought. A bit glib, but there was the chance that there would be some really tough religious debate, some back and forth, which I like a lot. I'm a fairly lax Christian, but my friends know I like to discuss religion and hear new concepts and ideas. Plus I thought Brian would have picked up some writing skills from dear old Dad.
Oh, Brian. You failed me so badly. Here's what I hate about your book.
- It never finishes a thought. The pilgrims on this spaceship are forced to debate during their trip, trying to determine the nature of religion and truth. But these discussions are never allowed to go anywhere.
I expected one of two things in these discussions. Either the book would reveal some neat revelation on the interconnectiveness of religion, or would leave it open ended, but with enough information that the reader could lean back and go, 'Whew! I'm going to have to think on that for a while!'
You couldn't do that for me once, Brian?
Every single time, something happened. The ship malfunctioned, an evil cyborg killed someone, whatever. The book failed to go that last few steps to true revelation. Like a thieving prostitute, the book gets you all worked up, then hits you over the head with a brick and steals your wallet.
- Brian is also a cop-out. He shies away from true blasphemy in his book by changing all the names of the religions to neat science-fictiony ones. Jesus Christ becomes Mark Krassos, and his followers are Krassians. Catholics are KothoLu's, Buddhists Hoddhists, etc. Chapters of the Bible (the Babul) are renamed, tenets are altered.Two possibilities strike me for this. One,
Brian was a little frightened about openly using existing religions. Either for moral or business reasons, he shied from it and resorted to using the funny names as a lightning bolt shield. Secondly, in using made up religions, he could make up whatever he wanted of their belief systems to fuel his overall plotline. Sure, it's not exactly what they believe, but oh well. Saves a lot on research time.
I suspect it's the second one.
I read this book once a year, just because I am determined I'm going to get something, anything, out of it.
 The second book on our little journey is Mostly Harmless, by Douglas Adams. This book is the final book in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series. And I mean it's the final one.
Picked it up simply because it was a Hitchhiker book. How could it possibly go wrong?
Oh, Douglas, do you hate all your characters so very much?
The book is simply an exercise in futility and death. Gather all your most popular characters together, take away everything that brought them any sort of happiness in the past books, then stick them on a planet and kill the lot of them.
That's the whole plot. Hope I haven't spoiled it for you.
Arthur loses Fenchurch, the woman of his dreams, gains a daughter he didn't know he had and loses her. Twice. He also finds a place that gives him inner peace and is dragged away from it. Ford loses his precious Guide. Two separate Trillians lose everything they every wanted. Arthur's daughter appears just long enough to suffer in existential anguish for a few chapters.
The only ones who win are the Vogons, who finally get to destroy every copy of Earth in every possible multiple Universe. It's like Douglas was determined to eliminate every possibility of ever writing another damn Hitchhiker book.
In my mind, the Hitchhiker series ended at the end of So Long, and Thanks For All The Fish, with Arthur and Fenchurch renting a scooter form a little guy with green wings and Dr. Scholl's sandals. I only re-read Mostly Harmless out of a sense of utter disbelief, as my hindbrain just can't accept it.
I just can't.
Hey, I LIKED those books!
Mom Rating: 4. Mom likes books, and she hates cop-outs.
Big Brother note: The Saturday night catchup shows are useless. The write-ups on the main site are much more enjoyable.
Survivor! note: Survivor!'s producer Mark Burnett is getting death threats because people on the show are killing and eating rats. Oooooookay...
The
last entry was pretty boring...
Do
you ramble tomorrow too?
Take me home, big fella
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