Day 1 (Wednesday)

"Hello?"
"Phil! The computer crashed! I was just transferring songs to my MP3 player and it crashed! It won't reboot, it just keep giving the same error message!"
"No problem, hon. What's the error?"
"It flashes the Dell screen and then says this file '\system32\hal.dll' is missing or corrupt. That's it."
"Weird. Well, I'll look up some stuff and take a look when I get home."
"Why does it only ever break when I'M using it?"

Later...

"Hello and thanks for calling Dell. For service in English please push 1." Beep. "If your computer is not working, please press 1." Beep. "Please enter your Express Service number. If you do not have one, please hold on the line." Beepbeepbeepbeep.
"Hello and thank you for calling Dell. My name is Ranjeet. Can you please give me your Service Tag number please?"
"A345G7." (* Numbers changed for obvious reasons)
"One moment. Please verify your name."
"Phil Bacon."
"And your phone number please."
"403-555-5678."
"And your postal code please."
"T1T 1T1."
"Thank you. I see that your warranty expires on December 7, 2007. Can I help you?"
"Yes. Our computer crashed and won't reboot. It flashes the Dell screen and then says the file '\system32\hal.dll' is missing or corrupt. From what I read on the Net, I suspect the hard drive is dead or dying. I accessed the boot menu and ran the disk diagnostic there. The test failed and gave me this error code. I saw there was an option in the boot menu to 'Boot to Utility Partition'. I figured that was where the diagnostics were so I tried that. I ran the disk tests there. All three tests that checked the hard drive failed at the exact position and gave me this error code."
"Yes sir, and..."
"Hang on, there's more. I found my Windows reinstall CD and loaded off it to check for more diagnostics. It did and those diagnostics failed as well. I clicked on the 'repair Windows' function and it dumped me to a command line prompt. Not sure what to try next."
"Well sir..."
"One more thing. I have a copy of Knoppix on CD, Are you familiar with it? No? It's a copy of Linux than runs off the CD which I use to salvage Windows files when the system is having trouble. It is really good at detecting hard drives on systems and it can't find this one."
"Okay, let me check into this."
(Hold time: 5 minutes)
"Okay sir, I believe this is a software issue and we just need to get that file back in there."
"What about all the diagnostics I ran?"
"Yes sir, the error code is just one that is given when the computer crashes and is hard rebooted. It will clear up once we get you running again."
"...okay."
"You are still the command prompt? Good, then type 'rebuild' and hit enter. This will go through and analyze your files and fix whichever ones are..."
"It errored out."
"...what?"
"It errored out. It says there's a problem with the hard disk and we should run 'chkdsk'."
"...Very good. Type 'chkdsk /r' and hit enter."
"Okay."
"This should take from 15 minutes to a half hour. I will call back in 15 minutes to see how it is doing."
(20 minutes pass)
"Hello."
"This is Dell Technical Support calling. How is it running?"
"It's at 7%."
"...I will call back in 15 minutes."
(30 minutes pass)
"Hello."
"This is Dell Technical Support calling. How is it running?"
"It's at 21%."
"...I will call back in 15 minutes."
(20 minutes pass)
"Hello."
"This is Dell Technical Support calling. How is it running?"
"It's still at 21%. It's been stuck there since you called last."
"Well the 'chkdsk' sometimes takes longer. Let it run another half hour and see if it finishes. If it does not, restart, come back to the command prompt and type in a command for me. I will email it to you..."
"My computer. Is not working."
"...Right. Yes. I will read it to you then. It is 'expand d:\i386\hal.dl_ c:\windows\system32\hal.dll. That will fix the file."
"That won't help if the drive isn't working."
"I am certain it is a software issue and we have had GREAT success with that command. I am going off shift now. I will call you tomorrow and see if this worked. Thanks you for calling Dell!"

30 minutes later.

"Hello and thanks for calling Dell. For service in English" Beep. "If your computer is not" Beep. "Please enter your Express" Beepbeepbeepbeep.
"Hello and thank you for calling Dell. My name is Jagajeevan. Can you please give me your Service Tag number please?"
"A345G7."
"One moment. Please verify your name."
"Phil Bacon."
"And your phone number please."
"403-555-5678."
"And your postal code please."
"T1T 1T1."
"Thank you. I see that your warranty expires on December 7, 2007. Can I help you?"
"Yes. I called earlier because our computer crashed and won't reboot. It says the file '\system32\hal.dll' is missing or corrupt. I've run the diagnostics and think the hard drive is dead or dying. Please read the notes that the previous fellow left. We were running 'chkdsk' and it stalled out. He gave me the 'expand' command to run and it errored out, saying I 'didn't have permission'."
"This sounds like a software issue. Please get out your Dell Resource CD that was in your original package."
"I've run all these diagnostics though; I really think the hard drive..."
"No no no. I am certain it is software."
"But I tried to run this copy of Knoppix that I have and it couldn't even find the hard drive..."
"No no no. It is a software issue. Reinstalling Windows will fix everything. Do you have your Dell Resource CD?"
"No. I have a purple Windows XP reinstallation disk and some software disks. I do not have a Dell Resource CD."
"It was sent to you with your computer."
"No. I took all the CDs out of the box and put them in one location in case I needed them. No Resource CD."
"That is IMPOSSIBLE. You must have a Resource CD."
"Nope. No Resource CD."
"That is...no matter. We can work through this in any case. Have you got your important data off the hard drive?"
"My computer. Is. Not. Working."
"You will need to get all the information off before you reinstall or you will lose everything."
"Fine. I have a friend who I think can help with that."
"Once you have your data off you can call us back and we will walk you through the reinstall. Thank you for calling Dell!"

30 minutes later.

"Hello and thanks for calling Dell. For" Beep. "If your com" Beep. "Please enter" Beepbeepbeepbeep.
"Hello and thank you for calling Dell. My name is Samiksha. Can you please give me your Service Tag number please?"
"A345G7."
"One moment. Please verify your name."
"Phil Bacon."
"And your phone number please."
"403-555-5678."
"And your postal code please."
"T1T 1T1."
"Thank you. I see that your warranty expires on December 7, 2007. Can I help you?"
"Yes. I called earlier because our computer crashed and won't reboot. It says the file '\system32\hal.dll' is missing or corrupt. We tried to repair the file and it failed. But I was trying to tell the last guy that I ran the disk diagnostics and I'm pretty sure the drive is failing. I have a friend who will try to get the data off three days from now, but if the drive is bad, I'd like you to send a new one instead of waiting until then."
"What diagnostics did you run?"
"I ran the disk diagnostic from the boot menu and it failed. I ran the hard drive tests from the utility partition and they all failed at the exact same spot on the drive. I ran the 'chkdsk' from the command prompt and it stalled out. And my copy of Knoppix won't even recognize the hard drive at all. That sounds to me like a hardware issue."
"Yes sir, it is most definitely a hardware issue. Hang on and I will set up and order for a new hard drive to be sent to you."
<10 minutes pass>
"Sir, there is one more thing we would like you to do before we can send you a new hard drive. From the Windows Reinstall CD there is an option called 'Windows Restore' that will reset your computer to when you first got it."
"But if the hard drive is bad..."
"If it is just a bad sector, it will install around it and your computer will work fine. It will erase all your data however. Do you have your important data off your drive?"
"I have a friend helping me with that in three days."
"I will not be working then. Can I arrange for someone to call you then and see how it is going?"
"Fine."
(Note: No one called back as a result of this call.)

Day 4 (Saturday)

"Hello and thanks for" Beep. "If your" Beep. "Please" Beepbeepbeepbeep.
"Hello and thank you for calling Dell. My name is Tarang. Can you please give me your Service Tag number please?"
"A345G7."
"One moment. Please verify your name."
"Phil Bacon."
"And your phone number please."
"403-555-5678."
"And your postal code please."
"T1T 1T1."
"Thank you. I see that your warranty expires on December 7, 2007. I also see that your computer has been showing an error message, that 'hal.dll' is corrupt or missing? Has this been resolved?"
"No. I took my computer to a friend who is a technician to try to get my data off before I attempt the system restore that the last lady I talked too insisted I do. He cannot access the hard drive no matter what he tries. He says the hard drive needs to be replaced. Please send me a new hard drive and a new Resource CD."
"You do not have a Dell Resource CD?"
"No. I never received one."
"Please hold while I arrange to send you a new hard drive."
(Hold time: 15 minutes)
"It will take one or two business working days for the new hard drive to be ready. A technician will call and arrange a time to come over and install it for you. Thanks for calling Dell!"

Day 6 (Monday)

"Hello?"
"Hello, this is Dell Technical Support calling. My name is Ranjeet. I am calling in regards to a service call you placed six days ago regarding an error message when you booted your computer that 'hal.dll' was missing or corrupt. Is your system working fine now?"
"No. We've been unable to get the data off and I called Saturday to have a new hard drive sent. Call you look in the notes? It should say everything there."
"I do not see anything about a new hard drive there..."
"WHAT? I called on Saturday and the guy said a technician would be out today or tomorrow to install a new hard drive for me!"
"I see in the notes now that 'customer requests a new hard drive' but no hard drive has been ordered and no technician booked."
"You have got to be KIDDING me! I need a new hard drive! This has been six days!"
"You called for a new hard drive two days ago..."
"And I've been calling since last Wednesday! You guys made me do all this stuff that I knew wouldn't work! I don't care about the technician. Just send me the new hard drive and I'll install it myself."
"Before I can order you a new hard drive I need to speak to the technician who you spoke to two days again and find out what happened. He is not in today so I will call you back tomorrow."
"Can't you just send the drive?!"
"No, I must speak to him. Thanks for calling Dell!"

Day 8 (Early Wednesday)

"Hello" Beep. "If" Beep. "P" Beepbeepbeepbeep.
"Hello and thank you for calling Dell. My name is Lakshman. Can you please give me your Service Tag number please?"
"I'm sorry, I don't have it. I'm calling from work. Someone was supposed to call me yesterday regarding a new hard drive I asked to be sent on the weekend. No one called so I'm calling now."
"I cannot find your information without a Service Tag."
"Can't you look it up other ways?"
"What is your name?"
"Phil Bacon."
"Hmm. What is your postal code?"
"T1T 1T1."
"I show nothing with that postal code."
"What? How about my phone number? 403-555-5678."
"...I show nothing with that phone number."
"I've given you that number and postal code every time I've phoned in the last week. And it shows NOTHING?"
"Sir, you will have to phone back with your Service Tag number."
"There is no way you can look me up?"
"...I can transfer you to Customer Service. Perhaps they can find you and five your Service Tag."
"Fine."
(Hold time: 5 minutes)
"Hello and thank you for calling Dell Customer Service. My name is Bob. Can you please give me your customer number or order number please?"
"Sorry, I've been forwarded to you from Tech Support. I'm calling to find out information on a hard drive that is supposed to be sent to me but I'm at work and I don't have my Service Tag number. For some reason they can't look me up. Can you look up my information and give me my Service Tag?"
"Yes sir. What's your name?"
"Phil Bacon."
"And your phone number?"
"403-555-5678."
"And your postal code?"
"T1T 1T1."
"This is for your desktop?"
"Yes."
"Your service tag is A345G7."
"Thank you. Can you transfer me back to tech support?"
"Yup. One moment."
(Hold time: 5 minutes)
"Hello and thank you for calling Dell. My name is Darpak. Can you please give me your Service Tag number please?"
"A345G7."
"One moment. Please verify your name."
"Phil Bacon."
"And your phone number please."
"403-555-5678."
"And your postal code please."
"T1T 1T1."
"Thank you. I see that your warranty expires on December 7, 2007. I also see that your computer has been showing an error message, that 'hal.dll' is corrupt or missing? Has this been resolved?"
"No, it has NOT. Please read the notes on the account. The guy I talked to on Monday promised to find out why a new hard drive was not ordered and call me yesterday. He did not. Now it's Wednesday morning and I want you to send me a new hard drive."
"Yes sir! I see you have had a lot of trouble, sir! I am so sorry for all this! I will order you a new hard drive right now. Please hold."
(Hold time: 10 minutes)
"Yes sir, it has been ordered. Your case number is this and the dispatch number is this. I am so sorry for everything that has happened!"
"Thank you so much for taking care of this. How long until it arrives?"
"Two to three business working days."

Updates to this will follow at 8-Track Mind.

Previous

Main

Next

Trackback Pings

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://whatisaw.wiredweirdness.com/cgi-bin/mt/mt-tb.cgi/642

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference And Then I Killed Him:

» And Then I Killed Him from 8-Track Mind
Just sharing my Dell correspondence with y'all. What happened to you Dell? You used to be good! Stay good, Dell! Stay good!... [Read More]

Tracked on March 22, 2006 03:17 PM

» Outsourcing from Life in Kjell
I've said it before. [Outsourcing IT services][1] makes about as much sense as outsourcing your bathroom. I can see it now: [1]:http://whatisaw.wiredweirdness.com/archives/2006/03/and_then_i_kill.html "Excuse me. I'd like to wash my hands." ... [Read More]

Tracked on March 23, 2006 02:58 PM