I cannot sing in the key of 'C'.

Some of my favourite songs are in the key of 'C'. I sound fine when I sing along with them in the car.

"Drops of Jupiter" by Train. "Superman" by Five For Fighting. "Affirmation" by Savage Garden. All songs I know by heart and all songs that I absolutely destroyed at karaoke.

It's taken a long time to get over my fear of public singing. I've never thought I had a particularly fine voice, and have absolutely no training.

This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I'm not terribly good at doing potentially embarrassing things. No really.

"But Phil!" you may be saying. "You go up in front of hundreds of people to do the Slave Auction every year! You talk on panels and do live action role playing and tons of other stuff in the public eye."

Yes, but that stuff I'm good at. I'm confident of my ability to come off well even if it's an entirely ridiculous situation. I can schmooze and charm and entertain. So there's no embarrassment.

But I can't sing.

Lisa's mom had a housewarming party a few weeks ago for her new apartment. The party was mostly her coworkers, so I wasn't that involved. Then someone brought in a karaoke machine.

Fear.

So what does it take to make me stand up and sing in front of a group of strangers? What did it take to break through that particular block?

Monty Python's "Sit On My Face". Yes, once more, descending into scene-chewing silliness saved the day.

Not familiar with the song? You can hear a sample off Amazon, or just sing the following in your best jovial, faux-operatic voice:

Sit on my face and tell me that you love me
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you too
I love to hear you oralize
When I'm between your thighs
You blow me away!

Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you
I'll sit on your face and then I'll love you truly
Life can be fine if we both sixty nine
If we sit on our faces
In all sorts of places
And play till we're blown away.

Anything by Tom Jones is fine, and I can sure sing the low half of any Blues Brothers song. Dr. Hook goes well, and I'd have done some Neil Diamond if there hadn't been this one guy who sounded just like him. Werewolves of London may just be my signature tune.

And the bar we go to for karaoke does have Sit On My Face. That song made everyone turn and look.

P.S. Lisa has the perfect voice for A) country singers like Jo Dee Messina and Trisha Yearwood, B) over-the-top singers like Julie Brown, and C) Gloria Gaynor. Ask her to sing "I Will Survive" for you. It's awesome.

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» Exuberance Beats Quality from 8-Track Mind
After a couple weeks I'm back, continuing to talk about music. This time: Karaoke! Where've I been? Stressed and distracted. I'm better now.... [Read More]

Tracked on November 30, 2005 04:41 PM