WeOwnEverything Employees Union: Well, it's been four and a half years. Let's work together on a contract that will both benefit the employees and help the company compete in the 21st Century.

Amalgamated WeOwnEverything Corp: Good idea. Let's work together on a contract that will help the company compete in the 21st Century.

WEU: Wait, you missed a bit.

AWC: Sorry?

WEU: The employees?

AWC: Right. I love my employees.

WEU: Okay. So, I propose this contract, which will bring all workers up to the same pay and benefit levels that workers in B.C. receive.

AWC: No good. The rest of the contract is outdated and leaves me in a non-competitive position. I propose this contract, which I feel is still generous to all the employees and gives me the leeway to compete.

WEU: What's this?

AWC: Where?

WEU: You've changed the working in the contracting out section.

AWC: What about it?

WEU: It now reads, "will inform the union when any contracting out will occur."

AWC: So?

WEU: Inform? In the last contract you had to get me to approve any contracting out first.

AWC: Oh sure. It's nothing to worry about though.

WEU: What do you mean? You could outsource the whole company if you wanted, and all you'd have to do is tell me you're going to do it.

AWC: But I wouldn't.

WEU: Whatever.

AWC: Look, this is just to keep me competitive.

WEU: You made record profits last year and the stock price is damn high. You're doing pretty well.

AWC: Sure, but that's now. All these little companies are introducing phone service and long distance and I may have to cut back to fight them.

WEU: I don't agree. Lose it.

AWC: What? I can't. Look, I'll offer more money.

WEU: I don't want more money. Okay, I do, but even more so, I want job protection.

AWC: Okay, now you're being difficult.

WEU: Yeah, well, that's the deal. You'll have to find other ways to be competitive.

AWC: Look, I'll only do it if I have to...

WEU: I know all about that call centre you bought.

AWC: What call centre?

WEU: The one in the South Pacific? The one that specializes in customer service and technical support?

AWC: Oh. That call centre.

WEU: Yeah. So?

AWC: I have no plans to use it.

WEU: What?

AWC: That's for my operations in the Asia-Pacific region.

WEU: Sure it is. No deal.

AWC: Tell you what. Take the contract to the employees and let them vote on it.

WEU: No way!

AWC: Why not?

WEU: Because it's crap!

AWC: Fine. Be difficult. As of now, I'm not going to hold any more grievance hearings.

WEU: Jerk! Well then, the employees won't work any more overtime.

AWC: Hey! No more paying for the first day of sick leave!

WEU: All employees must do e-training during work hours, even if there is nothing for them to learn!

AWC: No booking vacations that haven't already been approved!

WEU: Employees must attend two-hour study sessions away from their desks during work shifts!

AWC: Any employees going to study sessions will be locked out for longer than the session would have been!

WEU: You can't DO that!

AWC: Sure I can! Watch me!

WEU: It's against the law!

AWC: Suck it! Hey, watch this: I'm going to impose MY new contract on the entire company! And I won't relent on previous restrictions until you ratify it!

WEU: Fuck you! We're going on strike BEFORE you impose the contract!

AWC: Fine! Free ice cream for anyone who crosses!

WEU: I'll take away their membership card and get them fired when the strike is over!

AWC: Anyone who crosses gets triple pay plus bonuses!

WEU: I'll fine anyone who crosses for every cent they make during the strike!

AWC: Free iPods for everyone!

WEU: We won't back down! We'll strike as long as it takes!

AWC: I'll just ship in temporary workers by the boatload!

Employees: You know, I have bills I'd like to pay at some point...

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Listed below are links to weblogs that reference A Conversation between Amalgamated WeOwnEverything Corp. and The WeOwnEverything Employees Union:

» A Conversation between Amalgamated WeOwnEverything Corp. and The WeOwnEverything Employees Union from 8-Track Mind
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Okay, so you know Lisa works for the company I call 'Amalgamated WeOwnEverything Corp.' and that her union has been on strike for a couple weeks. I mentioned in a What I Saw entry that the company has been giving... [Read More]

Tracked on August 9, 2005 10:08 AM