Cheating on your loved one is a bad thing.

No matter how tempting it may be to 'explore uncharted waters', no matter how sweet the taste of forbidden fruit may be, it always leads to heartache and utter disappointment.

I'm never doing it again.

No matter how good the coupons are.

First off, the seats were weird. I'm used to having a certain kind of cushions, and I like the way the seats at my normal venue rock slightly, to give you a little more range of motion.

What? Yes, I'm talking about movie theatres. Movie chains, actually, as we always frequent Famous Players rather than Cineplex theatres. What did you think I was talking about?

We had two coupons from Lisa's mother, each for a pass for two, plus small drinks and a regular popcorn. We decided to do a mini-marathon, seeing two shows in one night.

But the coupons weren't for the chain we love.

For some reason, all the Cineplex theatres in the city are on the other side of town. So we had to drive for 45 minutes (on roads slickened by the first snowfall of the season) just to get there. Then Lisa had to negotiate the snacks - no they couldn't just 'combine' the four small drinks and two medium popcorns into two medium drinks and one large popcorn. Why? Because the managers COUNT THE CUPS.

Uh huh.

And no upgrading either. No, we couldn't just pay the difference and get them up-sized. Again, because the coupons says 'two small drinks and one medium popcorn', and because the managers COUNT THE CUPS.

I never want to be a Cineplex theatre manager. Can you imaging sitting down at the end of the evening and counting exactly how many cups and popcorn bags remain at each station in the theatre? Boy, those guys sure earn their $6.52/hour.

Lisa went through two separate concession attendants before someone leaned in an offered us the 'free cups' which are used for giving out water. They are larger than small and are not counted at the end of the evening. Still no large popcorn though.

There were so many other little things that were just wrong. The ticket girl swore that the cleaners would most likely have the second theatre cleaned for the movie to start on time. Most likely. And the reason it hasn't been cleaned yet is because two movies that haven't got out yet are higher in the cleaning cue than that one. One of the managers was stalking about the foyer, glaring at anyone who might possibly be loitering after their movie was over. I saw him actually shoo a group of eight teenagers out into the night. Eight kids who were clean-dressed, quiet and polite, and who could have easily spent more money on another film, more snacks or on some games in the arcade.

Okay, so none of this is earth-shattering stuff. What I'm talking about is customer experience. With more and more people staying in to watch DVDs and Pay Per View, movie chains are struggling to get as many people into the seats as they can. And the only way they can have any success is by providing a total movie experience.

I would rather see a film in a theatre with a hundred people than watch it at home. And if prices were lower and the whole environment better, I would see a lot more in the theatre. Theatres know this, and some chains are very good about providing that experience. We go see something at the Paramount and we get cheerful prompt service, helpful staff, and the managers leap to fix anything we find wrong. If there is something wrong with the sound or video of the film, for example, or in an extreme case, someone ruins it for everyone, like when that guy tossed a stink bomb in the theatre, then the managers are typically standing outside the doors when everyone comes out with the free movie coupons to ensure everyone comes back and gives them another try.

Fact is, good customer service is what gets people back in the door. We return to the restaurant where the waiter keeps my iced tea glass full (and return several times to the guy who makes sure I have TWO glasses of iced tea on the table at any time, to ensure I'm never without a beverage). We order pizza from the place that never gets our orders wrong and where the delivery staff is prompt and friendly.

For a business that depends on providing an excellent customer experience to fail to do so, or more than that, to give the impression that they don't really care about providing that experience, well...

Let's just say we'll be sticking with our tried-and-true love from now on.

So a guy is standing beside me on the C-Train this morning and, apropos of nothing, he says, "So I'm at this bar last night and this chick is there and she's totally hitting on me."

I glance at his missing tooth, his mud and paint-stained clothing and deign to comment.

"Then she's like, I think I know you, and I say, yeah I think I know you too. And she's like, 'Right! My husband wrecked your car!' My new car! Just off the lot!"

I blink and offer him a look of non-involved sympathy. That does, indeed, suck.

He shakes his head. "I mean geez, I pass out and the guy lifts keys, takes my car and wraps it around a tree. How stupid is that?"

Indeed. How very stupid that is.

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